Business Women's Finishing School & Social Club

Guest Blogger, Savvy Working Gal
The Finishing School welcomes Savvy as this week's guest blogger.  We began following Savvy very recently as we discovered some collective conscious around topics such as organizational politics and the strange games manipulators play, especially when it happens between women.

We invited Savvy to give today's lecture, including links back to her own manipulation story, as it unfolded over this past year.  You will also meet Anita Bruzzese, who writes 45things.com.  She is also the author of 45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (check it out in our carousel at right)  Enjoy.  We hope you will add them both to your list of weekly career leads

I recently came across Miss Minchin’s fascinating post Manipulative people in the Workplace and was amazed how closely the personality traits of the “master manipulator” resemble that of the “hostile HR manager” who works at my company. I was especially intrigued to read:

The most dangerous of all workplace dangers, the manipulative coworker has mastered the art of aggression disguised as helpfulness, good intentions, or working "for the good of the company". These people are brilliant at hiding their true motives, while making you look incompetent, uncooperative, or self-centered. They can make you lose your job, do their job for them, or even get you to apologize to *them* for trying to confront them about their own bad behavior.

Here is my experience:
I had been employed as the Accounting Manager at a family-owned company for eight years when in the summer of ’07 the CEO asked me to stay late; he wanted me to meet a family friend he was considering employing as a temporary HR consultant. This was an odd request, since I did not hold the primary HR position in our company. At the time, our company's HR duties were split amongst the company Controller who is my boss, the HR Assistant and me, the Accounting Manager. Both my boss and the HR Assistant were more heavily involved in HR than I was. These meetings continued for several weeks, all of them occurring behind my boss’s back. Fortunately, I was smart enough to keep my boss of informed of these meetings; I did not want him to think I was undermining him. This went a long way in preserving my relationship with my boss in the upcoming months.

Eventually, the company brought her on board; informing our 115 employees of her arrival via memo and asking for their cooperation if she requested information. She was introduced as an HR expert who would be working on special projects and assisting our company’s HR assistant in setting up a properly functioning HR department. She had concurred with that we were not set up properly as a result of our meetings. She was to remain in our employ approximately one year.
 
She was never given a detailed job description, nor did her introduction memo give our employees a clear understanding of her role in the company. This allowed her to create her own job description, develop her position as she wished and gave her the freedom to step on whoever got in her way.
 
From the beginning, she employed many of the master manipulator tactics to achieve her goals: backstabbing, playing the victim, crying (she cries more than anyone I have ever met), intimidating, shaming, playing the servant, blaming and outright lying. She used her position as HR Manager to quiz employees about their managers and co-workers, searching for weaknesses. She used this information to favor her goals. She set employees up for failure, pitted them against each other, taking relationships that were previously strained and making them worse. She targeted specific employees until they either quit or she had compiled a file large enough to fire them. One of my employees actually saw her laughing as a former employee left her office in tears after being fired. Through all of this, she remained charming articulate and funny with our owners, justifying her actions by claiming she was making our company more professional.
 
So what were her goals?
I believe her initial objective was to secure a permanent position with our company -- a powerful position that came with a fancy title, a higher-than-normal salary and an extremely flexible schedule. She achieved all of this over the course of a year. I also believe she had a secondary motive, a motive that was all about control and power. She has a deep need to prove she is superior, to always be right and to win. She wanted to win even if it meant alienating most of the managers in the company.

How she gained my trust:
Since I was the first employee she met at our company, she continued to treat me as if I was her confidante. She was constantly in my office sharing employee confidences and asking advice. In looking back, I believe she used these confidences to manipulate me into sharing information she shouldn’t have been privy to.

She turns on me:
On January 7, 2009, we crossed paths as she left a meeting with my boss and our company President. She said something about an upcoming project where we would work together as a team training staff on company policy. I told her I was too busy to think about this until after our accounting audit mid-February. She then insisted I hire another employee. When I said that isn’t going to happen, she began verbally attacking my management skills, crossing the line from constructive criticism to a personal attack. She went on and on about how my career was going nowhere, I was the weakest manager my company had and that it was my own fault.

Luckily, I had read this post on Anita Bruzzese's blog "On the Job" a couple of days prior to the occurrence. I kept repeating to myself this isn’t about me, this isn't about me. I knew what she was saying wasn't entirely true and that the attack was more about her career than mine (she was being forced to do administrative work she felt was beneath her and most likely felt her job was going nowhere), but her words still stung.

I thought I handled myself as well as I could while talking to her, but afterwards I went back to my office and cried. I hadn't cried at work in 15 years.

I made it through the rest of the work day and even went to my Pilates class, but once I was home I just couldn’t shake the incident. Foreseeing a sleepless night and inability to concentrate at work for the next several days, I posted a comment on Anita’s blog asking:  Does anyone have any suggestions on how not to dwell on a personal attack after the occurrence?

Anita posted the following suggestions:

1. Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling. This can be a family member or friend, someone who will be empathetic, without trying to fix the problem for you.
2. Get moving. Studies have shown time and again how important it is to use physical exercise to relieve stress. Go dancing, to a gym, indoor pool, or go bowling! Do something physical that will help burn off some of your anxiety.
3. Write it down. Put down everything you're feeling. And then write all the positive things you did in the situation and review how well you handled it.
4. Look deeper. You say you haven't cried in 15 years at work, and feel you handled it well. That could mean it wasn't this particular incident that was so bad, but perhaps an indication that a lot of things are building up. Maybe things have gotten out of balance and you can see this incident as wake-up call that you need to re-balance your life.
5. Laugh. Rent a funny movie, go to a comedy club, watch stupid videos on YouTube. Laughter truly is the best medicine and can help you relieve the stress.
6. Be good to yourself and others at work. Erase a bad situation at work by replacing it with good things. Put 5-10 coins in one pocket. Every time you pay someone a compliment, move the coin to the other pocket, with the aim being to have moved all the coins by the end of the day. Buy yourself a nice flower to put on your desk. Go to lunch with friends or co-workers you enjoy. Take a walk, weather permitting. Just be good to yourself.


Finally, I know it sounds trite, but you truly do have a choice to make. You can choose to let this incident drag you down, to make you lose sleep and be miserable. Or, you can choose to focus on something else. It really is your decision, and you have the control. Good luck, and let me know how things go.

I read Anita’s response before going to work the next morning:
I tried all of her suggestions, but it still took almost a week to shake the incident. I particularly liked her advice to look deeper. The reason I found the criticism so upsetting is because I have been disenchanted with my career and feeling overworked for quite sometime. The manager's approach may have been too harsh, but her message was valid. My work load is getting out of control and it's time I start taking steps to rectify the situation.

I came up with a couple of strategies going forward:
In future dealings with our HR manager I am going to keep discussions focused, never giving advice or asking for an opinion. Even though she gave me a little present a couple of days ago, I need to limit the time I spend with her. I am not ready for another attack.

Perfect my work. This goes for me and my department. I have been saying this for quite some time; this manager has caused problems in my department in the past by personally attacking my employees. If we work together as a group, get our work done accurately and timely she won’t be able to touch us.

What about complaining about her to the owner? Just about everyone in the company wants this to happen, but nobody wants to be the one to do it. Even my boss, an officer of the company, feels the President needs to rein her in, but is unwilling to be the one to complain. She has such a volatile personality we are hoping she will one day do herself in.

The aftermath:
It has now been a year since the confrontation occurred. Here is an update on where my relationship currently stands with the HR Manager, what tactics worked and what I recommend to others.

The hands down most helpful event of the past year was confiding in Jerry, a trusted manager from one of our remote locations. He had had conflicts with the HR Manager himself -- even catching her in a lie. He was sympathetic to my story, telling me I was an easy manager to work with and my greatest strength was that I didn’t rattle easily. This was a pivotal event; I clung to those words for weeks to come. It was also the catalyst that pushed me into a year long search to discover who I am.

Jerry, along with Rick his top salesman, approached two of our owners on my behalf, informing them of the incident. This should have carried a lot of weight, since both Jerry and Rick are two of the most respected employees in the company. Rick also told the owners this so-called HR Manager can’t work with anyone and the employees don’t like her. To which one of the owners exclaimed, “That is because she’s HR, nobody likes HR.” Rick then replied, “No that’s not it, they don’t like her.” Of course, Jerry informed me of this incident.

I waited a week and not a word from the owners, so I approached our CEO in hopes of discussing the incident. He said he had decided the story was so outlandish he’d dismissed it as an untrue rumor. He was shocked to hear the incident really occurred and seemed appalled by his friend’s behavior. He commented I was actually one of the strongest managers our company had, and mentioned how easily I can juggle all the different things coming at me. He did ask why I confided in Jerry rather than going to my boss or to him. I explained I had gone to my boss immediately after the incident, but had asked him not to talk to our President (the CEO’s son). He said he had given our HR Manager too much freedom, and would have our President rein her in.

I think perhaps the owners may have talked to her -- at least, they stopped gushing over her in my presence, but nothing has really changed. She still harasses employees, and basically does whatever she wants. My boss tried to get her position eliminated in a recent downsizing, but his suggestion upset our CEO so much he practically lost his own job in the process. He was told she brings a professionalism to our company we never had before.

To this, Jerry said, “Since when is lying and intimidating employees considered professional.”

The second most helpful piece of advice was Anita’s statement: "You can choose to let this incident drag you down, to make you lose sleep and be miserable. Or, you can choose to focus on something else. It really is your decision, and you have the control."


As time passed, I increased my workouts at the gym; taking boot-camp like classes, if I couldn’t be strong mentally I would at least be strong physically. I also spent time blogging and commenting on blogs focusing on topics unrelated to the incident. I was surprised how therapeutic writing can be. Then late last summer, I realized I no longer hated our HR Manager and no longer think about the incident.

The third most helpful piece of advice is as follows: When dealing with manipulative people, you need to be on your guard all the time. If you've been played with once, don't be too quick to trust that person the second time around.  A couple of months ago, after I had forgiven her, she came into my office telling me she was in a slump. She asked if I ever feel that way.  Actually, I was in a slump; my boss had just put me in an awkward predicament asking me to choose between another paycut for myself or shortened work hours for our employees. I made the critical mistake of telling her I was in a slump.
 
She proceeded to ask me a series of personal questions: Why I married so late, if I had been previously married, if my husband had, why I didn’t have children, if it bothers me that I don’t have children, why I spend so much time with my husband as opposed to spending time with friends, and if I knew I was underpaid?   On and on until she got to me. She ended by saying if I had kids and spent my vacation days shopping with my girlfriends I wouldn’t be in a slump. How did this happen? She was the one in the slump. Afterwards all I could think of was why didn’t I say something like, “I see my friends every night at the gym.”
 
This ended up being a helpful event. I realized she didn’t upset me attempting to inform me I was underpaid, nor did she upset me asking why I didn’t have children. I have accepted those things. I was upset that she realized I don’t spend enough time with my friends; perhaps this is something I need to improve on. I spent the last few months of the year really working on accepting myself. Perhaps I can use her cynical advice to continue this process.
 
The fourth piece of advice: Limit your interaction and perfect your work.
Recently she came into my office carrying our HR Assistant’s work complaining it was all wrong, (this is one of her favorite things to do). I looked at it, asked a couple of questions then said, “I don’t see anything wrong here.” She made a couple of justifications for her interruption then left.
 
Last week, I ran into her again, she asked if I was "having a bad day like everyone else around here." She began talking about the economy and how underpaid we both were. I told her the economy was bound to get better in the coming year. I was having a great day and everything was going great in my department.
 
And it was.

Instructors: Caroline Bender
Guest Lecturer: WEBB, Gardener/Blogger, It’s My Garden

At a recent faculty meeting, we presented a short video from a WKMG (Orlando, FL) news story about salary negotiations and differences between male and female styles, showing 2 female candidates blowing the opportunity to define their worth, and the male candidate taking control of the interview to his own advantage.

Contributor “Webb,” commented, “Doesn't it … tick you off that we are so poor at negotiating salary. We turn to mush. Can't tell you how many times I've done it.”

We immediately gave her the floor.

“My first job out of grad school was as a counselor in the community college system – a state job. I am fairly sure that at that time (in the dark ages!) I had not heard of "negotiating" for salary, and I think I truly thought that STATE salaries were "fair", by which I meant "all the same".

"They offered me what seemed like a fortune - it was actually 3 times what I had been making as a secretary right out of college. I said "thank you very much, what day shall I show up?" Never even THOUGHT about negotiating!
"About six months later I learned from the one other woman in our group that the men in my job ALL started at 25% - seriously 25% - more than I did, AND a couple of them had negotiated to start as Assistant Professors instead of Instructors. I was so hurt and angry; felt really mistreated and betrayed by my boss.”

• Women are more pessimistic about how much is available when they do negotiate, so they typically ask for and get less when they do negotiate—on average, 30 percent less than men.
• 20 percent of adult women (22 million people) say they never negotiate at all, even though they often recognize negotiation as appropriate and even necessary.
• 63% of Saturn buyers (the list price = your automobile price) are women.
• By not negotiating a first salary, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60—and men are more than four times as likely as women to negotiate a first salary.

Webb says, “when I moved to another community college, I tried to negotiate an increase then, but was told that once in the system, they couldn't give me more than the 'step' increase for that year. And that's when I learned that one could have negotiated faculty rank.” She reflects, “I assumed that state salaries were set in stone and never even tried to find out if there was a range or any room for negotiation. Sadly, I had two friends already in the system who would probably have been happy to tell me the ins and outs of state pay ranges. Had I bothered to ask them, I might have done better.”
 
Webb missed one of the first steps in her job hunt, which was to do her research. “In the dark ages,” as she says, such information was closely guarded, but she recognizes that her inside sources could have helped set her expectation. Notice too, that salary team members was no secret from the other woman on her team! “There is no reason now not to know what the job pays in your area, in your state, in companies the size of the one with which you are interviewing,” says Webb. “ One should be able to find a calculator that will take into account one's experience.”
Salary information is fairly easy to come by today, using Internet search tools and resources. Salary.com is the easiest first level source. The Salary wizard tool averages salaries for jobs like yours in your location to give you a range you can expect. Base Salary ranges are offered at no charge; for a fee, Salary will compare your individual experience against its data to give you a more focused range using the experience calculator idea Webb talks about.

For example: A first year college counselor in Richmond, Va. today ranges anywhere from 37-64K, with most between 45 and 55. Add Webb’s M.Ed, and a state college size, and Salary estimates $50,000. This same position in New York City, the Bell curve peaks closer to $60,000 In Helena, MT: 45,000. It literally pays to know your market.

We do not suggest that male applicants do this research, but we do suggest that it matters less to them. They are not necessarily trying to reach consensus, to find a figure both parties can agree on. They are trying to Win, as the candidate in the news video says. 

In a recent appearance at the Massachusetts Conference for Women,  Women for Hire's Tory Johnson described one of Babcock's research experiments, where participants were invited to play a game in exchange for a fee of "$5-12," as stated on the flier.  Fliers were also present on the game tables where the game took place. At the end of the game, facilitators thanked the participants for playing, and offered $5.  Male participants were 9 times more likely to ask for the higher end of the offered range than the female participants.  (see full description in Women Don't Ask.)

Babcock and Laschever comment, “Women more often than men take a 'collaborative' or cooperative approach to negotiation that has been shown to produce agreements that are better for both sides. Women are more likely than men to listen to the needs and concerns of the other side, communicate their own priorities and pressures, and try to find solutions that benefit all parties—to find the win/win solutions.”

When the power dynamic is skewed, such as in a job interview or performance review, women will likely defer as a way of keeping the win/win as even as possible. This is sometimes read (by women and men) as “I don’t want so-and-so to be mad at me,” or “I want them to like me,” and the negotiator may actually be feeling that in the moment, but the root cause is closer to “I want to reach an outcome that makes us both happy, not just one of us.”

When asked what advice she would give a negotiator, based on her prior experience, Webb admitted, “I can't honestly say that I do much better today - 30 years later! I usually decide what I want and ask for $5000 more. The last two jobs have said 'that's fine,' which tells me that I asked for too little!"   Again, research is better than a gut feel. Webb believed she was playing hardball when she picked the $5000 figure, forgetting for the moment that she had been underpaid for years and that salaries had ballooned. “I picked the $5000 higher amount because I thought it really was 'too high' and gave me room to come down to what I really wanted. When I got it immediately I realized that they would have gone higher, but at that point had no idea how to ask for even more - still don't.”

In their follow-up, Ask for it: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, Babcock and Laschever outline a program for understanding one’s worth and asking for it.

This does not mean changing your personality, or being “more like men.” In fact, Babcock and Laschever assure the reader that “Women can ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable to them… women have excellent relationship skills and good intuition about what's going on with the people around them, and this can help.” Negotiating can still be a way to getting to mutually beneficial outcomes – men who play to “win” every discussion could stand to learn this too. What Babcock and Laschever want to reinforce is that women should ask for what they want, and not limit themselves to what they can accept.

Take a look at the Women Don’t Ask website for more interviews with the authors, and to watch for appearances in your area. The Finishing School is eager for a review of either Women Don’t Ask or Ask for It from our readership.

Tell us your negotiation stories! What worked, what didn’t? Comment on this post or contact us through our Facebook page.

Miss Minchin, Dean of Students

Sometimes we women can't get out of our own way. What are the worst moves women make (or don't make) to sabotage their own careers?

Is it selling ourselves short by not negotiating salary offers? Do we avoid risk and therefore lose out on the rewards? Do we treat our workplace like our extended family and get too involved in co-workers' issues? Do we hold ourselves back by having children? (Why does it never seem to hold back the fathers?)

Post your thoughts in the comments!

Social club meeting minutes by Miss Minchin

If you still have online holiday shopping to do, don't forget to check the web for coupon codes before you make your purchase.

LL Bean: Enjoy free shipping. Valid till 1-1-2010. Coupon code: 3013598

Victoria's Secret: $30.00 OFF $175.00 purchase + Free shipping &handling when you spend $100.00. you can use these together or separately Coupon codes: FA919573 + FA919549



Back to Basics Toys: Free standard shipping on orders of $50+ . Valid through 12/31/09
Coupon code: UPROM09







Share your shopping tips in the comments! Any good gift ideas for my 10 year old nephew who is into science and kind of introverted?
 
Disclaimer: Business Women's Finishing school is not big enough to receive any compensation for endorsing any sites and services. We are also not a real school, and while we're being honest, these are not our real names.

In today’s fiercely competitive market, we are busier and busier, and working harder and harder to keep afloat. There’s a myriad of influences on our lives, and the critical need to plan, organize and track our hectic days to ensure we meet all the demands on our time.

Has technology driven this feverish activity? It surely has propelled multi-tasking to a whole new level. My Blackberry is a constant beacon of lights and sounds --  my personal connection to the outside world through alerts, messages, notices, feedback, and, every so often... a phone call.

I have a love/hate relationship with the device: Love that I find out things instantly. Hate that it can always find me. The tiny screen shows correspondences that are critical to my world, as well as utterly useless spam that I’m quite sure I did not “opt in.” With such a cacophony in my hand, I relish the peaceful, passive essence of my life-tracking, life-saving, week-at-a-glance, spiral-bound, paper calendar.

In the early 1990’s, when I worked as an assistant to the Editor-in-Chief of a magazine, the only way to keep track of appointments was with a paper calendar. My boss used a purse-sized no-nonsense version that neatly fit all her appointments and travel plans fit into its time slots. I found that style the most useful for my own bustling, single-working-girl lifestyle as well – with plenty of room to keep track of all my meetings and dates and parties and vacations. It was a personal bible that organized my schedule and showed how fulfilling – and filled! – my big city life had become.

Over the years, technologies emerged that offered sleek alternatives to challenge my paper calendar. PDAs and Outlook and iCalendars have all vied for the role of keeping track of my life, and I’ve tried many of them.  But with every digital calendar I have had the same, annoying, time-consuming issues. For example, every recurring entry I add took several steps then went on ad infinitim, so I’d have scroll through and delete it each time it was a holiday, or we were traveling, or for some other conflict. I also can’t see more than the day on that tiny screen, because I have so many entries they wouldn’t fit in one window. And I hate not being able to plan ahead without constantly flipping back and forth from day to week to month and trying to guess what each abbreviated entry signified. I’m done trying the digital options. They’ve left me exhausted, frustrated, and still needing other versions for the rest of my family to share.

My life is blessed (and complicated) with the activities of a consulting business, a husband, two kids, and a dog, all with their own schedules. And I feel strongly that still, the best way to keep track of everyone and everything in my world is my paper calendar (now a desk-sized version) with different colored pens for each member of my family – blue for me, green for my husband, purple for daughter #1 and pink for daughter #2 (the dog is also blue since everything she does is pretty much reliant on my schedule).

My calendar of choice is the week-at-a-glance that shows 7-days over 2 pages when open. Mentally, it helps me prep and plan for what’s coming up – work meetings, blog commitments (!), flute lessons, soccer practice, lacrosse try-outs, basketball games, vet appointments, holiday parties, in-law visits, friend’s birthday, etc.

It always works without battery life, without internet connection, without guilt if I don’t respond. It even works without me being there at all. How wonderful is that?!
I gather my entries from a variety of sources. My husband calls to tell me his plans to be added to the calendar. My kids leave me notes of upcoming events, playdates, or activities on top of the calendar to add in.

One time, my older daughter wrote her own plans on one of the days. She even used her purple colored pen. Perhaps I’m too possessive, or too anal-retentive, or just plain neurotic, but I white’d-out the entry and rewrote it, although not before I lauded her for her for her organizational acumen. Then I asked her to never touch Mommy’s calendar again.

I have a variety of vendors that I use because they are of a good quality and value.The ones I keep going back to are the ones that make the extra effort for my attention:  “Hello Mrs. Sagges, this is Don’s gutter service, it’s that time of year again…” or “Hi Mrs. Sagges, this is Richard Ziff and I’ll be at your neighbor’s tuning their piano if it’s convenient that day for you as well…”
I love to get postcards from my dentist reminding me to schedule my next teeth-cleaning, and from our vet for the dog’s annual check-up or prescription refill. Anyone who helps me keep track of services I need will always be my first choice. Businesses shouldn’t expect me to remember them when I only see them a couple times a year.

As we enjoy the onset of holiday madness at this time of year, traditional holiday cards with photos of our friends and family are being replaced by Facebook videos and e-cards. Wood-burning fires in the fireplace are being replaced by eco-friendly, no-tending, “logs.” We’re living in a world of conservation hyper-awareness, and I will do my best to try methods to preserve our forests for the future and my children.

But for the sake of my sanity, and the perpetual motion of my life, I will continue to embrace the sanctity of my paper calendar.

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Online Tools for Working Women

I stumbled onto this book accidentally, looking for a different Tory Johnson reference for an article we are working on about slary negotiations (coming soon).  The library did not have Johnson's newest work, Fired to Hired, but this volume was available, so I took a look.

Take this Book to Work: How to Ask For (and Get) Money, Fulfillment, and Advancement, was co-written with Robyn Freedman Spizman, known for her advice on creative gift-giving (Giftionary and Make it Memorable).  What began as a poll of working women to discover the "hot-button" issues they face revealed a pattern of reluctance on the part of respondents in all industries, at all levels and ages, to simply ask for the things they want to change.  So much of the frustration underlying workplace issues pointed back to the respondent's silence, or struggle to be understood and respected, and her regret over being unable to solve the problem at hand when she knew exactly what she wanted the outcome to be.

Johnson and Spizman categorize those issues and provide practical, actionable advice, Finishing School style, for issues of
Money
 Getting Hired and On the Job
Professional Adnacement
  Onward and Upward, Successful Networking, Office Etiquette
Personal Fulfillment
  Time Management, Flexibility, Personal Issues

The authors use the title Take this Book to Work, and in fact this is more a desk reference than a straight read -- like some of us used to keep the Secretary's Manual next to the Selectric.  Most of the sections are short, and begin with "How to ask..."  such as "How to ask for a meeting with the CEO,"  "How to ask to transfer to a new city,"  "How to ask for a mentor." The simple outline approach breaks down teh request activity, with suggested wording and talking points.  The authors acknowledge that some situations vary the approach, and include that as well.  For example, when asking to view your personnel file:

If you work for a small business, you may be more direct about your intent.  Say, "I have some concerns over what may be included in my file...."  In some states, you are not allowed to remove any items from the file -- even if you believe errors exist.  But in some states, you aer allowed to amend the information by submitting your own explanation and specifically asking that it be placed in your permanent file... You may have the right to copy the contents of your file, although your employer may charge you a copying fee...

The example shows why you would not necessarily read this book straight through, as many items will not apply at all times.  On the other hand, if you are the type who enjoys reading desk references and fact books for the trvia of it, this will also serve.  If you don't want to actually take it to work, keep it where you keep your go-to casual reads, (whichever room of the house that happens to be for you).

What makes Take this Book to Work a less threatening book to take to work than, say, Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers and Other Office Idiots, or Toxic Workplace is that is signals you are serious without insulting other people.  Chances are, the Boss would like money, fulfillment and advancement also -- she may even ask to borrow your copy.

guest lecurer, Nadia K.G., corporate executive and blogger

For those of us who are proficient multi-taskers, have poor attention spans, or simply can't deal with down time, I'm here to let you know that minutes and hours logged in your vehicle can be re-purposed for a wide range of activities.

 
Having spent 10 years with daily commutes exceeding two hours, I've gone from doing nothing-but-driving to coming up with a number of ways to make good use of the time. Here are the 10 driving activities that top my list:
 
#10 - Listening to the radio (satellite or old fashioned "terrestrial"). Only music for me, thanks. Talk radio gives me a headache and that would impair my driving.
 
#9 - Listening to CDs or MP3s. I like something with a good, fast beat. It helps me keep my eyes open.
 
#8 - License plate poker . Do you remember this game? Scan the plates you pass throughout the drive to find the best possible poker hand. Why? What else are you doing?
 
#7 - Learning a language. Those two hours per day in the car are perfect for language lessons on CD.
 
#6 - Singing a tune (with or without the help of the car stereo). Similar concept to singing in the shower: you can belt out a melody whether you have musical ability or not while in the privacy and safety of your very confined car. Just make sure the windows are up, just in case.
 
#5 - Meditation / breathing exercises. Sometimes you just need to take a few minutes to get centered. This is a new addition to my commuting repertoire as of this year and it's a great way to wind down from the day. Keep in mind that you'll want to practice the form of meditation that doesn't involve closing your eyes.
 
#4 - Just driving. That's it. Drive. Maybe look around a little. Kick it old school. This actually could be the same as #5 if you really think about it. Being in the moment and all of that.
 
#3 - Listening to an Audiobook. If you do this regularly, you can easily go through one a week. That's a great way to catch up with all those books you've been meaning to read. If you're anything like me that's a LONG list.
 
# 2 - Coffee. Do I need to say anything else? Okay, maybe tea. Or other beverage. You get the idea.
 
And the #1 activity of choice in the car is................
 
Dancing. Yes, that's right. Nothing's more fun than bopping around to an upbeat tune. And you're burning calories to boot! You'd be surprised how many moves you can pull off while seated. Get creative! You can invent new ways to look ridiculous while still operating the vehicle safely AND having a good time. What's better than that?
 
Hopefully, from the above, you were able to pick up an idea or two about how to take advantage of commute time. And with all of these recommendations, please remember to always drive responsibly.
 
~~NKG
 
a footnote from the Management:
notice how NKG doesn't say... dictate emails, dial-in to meetings, balance the checkbook, try to train the dog, TEXT....?!  You know all that Me Time we're always talking about -- take it where you can find it!
 
 
 
We'd like to hear your creative uses of your commuting time.  Do you carpool?  Ride with kids?  What are some additions to our list for situations where you share the ride?